heathsambienstash:

I know this probably doesn’t make any sense to you. Basically, what I’m saying is that my relationship is something I can’t get enough of. Actually, I literally do ride around town listening to our love. Well, thinking about it. I don’t really listen to music when I drive anymore. I just think about her in my passenger seat. Sometimes I have conversations. That sounds crazy. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that! I guess I’m crazy in love. I don’t mind it.

I though of the perfect Christmas present you could get her: Pepper Spray and a rape whistle.

 We’ve got a Stage 5 stalker on our hands.

Good stuff on the Tonight Show.

Drunk monkeys rule.

gpoyw. Love me a little Naansy.

Ok ok I did like this kitty. It lives in Costa Rica and can’t infect my peanut butter and banana toast.

I can’t believe I adopted five cats while I was in college. Good thing I pawned them off on my mom because I realized this morning that I don’t even like cats after Samsonite licked my peice of toast topped with peanut butter and bananas. I put on two oven mitts to pick him up with (I don’t dare touch those diseased mongrels with my bare hands) and threw him out in the snow.

Red Dog would never pull that malarkey.

I wonder if I have any serial killer siblings that I’m unaware of…

Heids: “I just left someone on hold and then hung up on them. That is how much I am not doing today.”

Jen: “I just spilled Diet Coke on my desk and left it sitting there. That’s how much I am not doing today.”

Minutes later…

Jen: “It’s still sitting there.”

Heids: “Let Rosa get it.”

Side note for readers: Rosa is Heidi and I’s imaginary maid.

Is sitting in the window seat at the AXO house watching people slip down on the sidewalk. Why, why, why did we have to grow up and get real jobs??? I BARELY have time to maintain a personal life let alone blog, Facebook and email my friends all day. Oh wait.

rhapsodyinj:

Ok ok, you can come in.

I really just got insanely jealous of the girl (or guy) behind the door in this photograph. Help me.

heathsambienstash:

I’ve seen this girl few times and I wanted to take her snowboarding Saturday, but….

I don’t even know what I should say in response, or if I should respond at all.

I’m going to go with…drop this biotch. Awkward turtles swimming upside down all around. 

Now that I’m staying with me madre in Oakley (kill me now), every morning on my way to work I pass a farm that houses three buffalo. This morning I passed them for about the hundredth time and as I kept driving toward the valley I thought to myself “it’s pretty weird that I pass three buffalo on the way to work every morning.” Anywho, I decided to call these three buffalo Jesus, Monkey and Chicken.

And then they lived happily ever after.

Then end.

rhapsodyinj:

Too harsh? Nope.

 In that case, I’d be a multi-gold metalist!

“Roofies are for amateurs…we use straight up animal tranquilizers. Just like our BFF Dexter.”

Love,

J, A and J